i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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