I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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