Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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