went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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