how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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