U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
