yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
