Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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