I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
