Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
