need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize