I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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