so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
