I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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