so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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