Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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