My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize