She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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