OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
