In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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