The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
