he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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