Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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