i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
