I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
