Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just gift wrapped bread.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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