I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
