I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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