theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
