I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
