Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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