Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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