Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
