yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
