Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
