flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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