Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
