I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
