i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
