I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
