I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
