woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
