I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
