remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
