Who wears a wallet chain?!
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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