another moral hangover. fuck.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize