Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
