I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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