I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
