Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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