ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
