You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
