Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
