I'm jealous of your bromance
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
