I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
