jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
