You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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