I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
