they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
