My room smells like vodka and shame
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
