HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize