I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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