The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
