holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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