I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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