Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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