Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
