yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
